The sanctity of marriage has become a comedy. People who go to weddings are not there to watch two people symbolize their love for a lifetime but to place bets and guess on how long the marriage will actually last.
I bet it won’t last six months.
When she finds out he slept with her sister, it’s over.
It will be over after the honeymoon.
Yes, two people joining together in holy matrimony in our time has become more of a jest than two people joining together for love and family. Divorce is no longer a last resort. It’s the only way to deal with problems. The phrase ‘till death do us part’ is just a spoken phrase and tradition, it means nothing to people eloping anymore.
Even worse than repeating the traditional marriage vows are the ones that are hand written. You know what I’m talking about. The bride and groom want to write something “special” for each other and think that their feelings can be expressed through personally written vows.
The brides end up saying things such as: I adore you, cherish you, and will always remember you how we are now. I am yours and only yours. Sure it sounds good, but there is nothing in them that cements the marriage. The brides who choose to write their own vows think they are creative and good with words, but they are not and it only makes them look like the girl in high school who lost to the prom queen and is trying to make up for it.
The groom fairs no better. He only writes his vows to please his soon to be dependent. He has no interest in writing, he only places words on paper when he has to, thus he wrote his vows at in the back of the church before the wedding started. The groom’s vows go something like: Yea! Well! You know I will always love you, for as long as we are married. You got me!
The point I’m making is, the vows we have are outdated and writing your own is a recipe for disaster. Marriage no longer last until death, the average person goes through two or three marriages before they are happy. I understand some people say the wedding vows we have are a tradition and we shouldn’t tamper with them, but I say we need to revamp and make a new set that applies to our current era in time. They should go something like this:
I groom take bride to be the woman I call my wife. I give you the right to give the children you birth my last name. You have permission to live in my house and give me sex. I expect you to cook, clean, and give me hand jibbers on a regular basis, it’s the same things you are doing know so it shouldn’t be that hard to do. If this doesn’t happen, I will start ‘working late’ and find another woman who I am not emotionally attached to who can fill those needs and I don’t have to live with. After you find out about said women, then you can divorce me and live in my house, with my kids, while I pay for the mortgage. I will live in a one-bedroom apartment and see my children on the weekends. With this, I promise you, as soon as the judge signs off with the divorce agreement.
Now the bride gives her vows.
I bride take you groom to me the man I call husband. I will only give you sex until I get pregnant. I expect you to buy me the things I want because I will be having your child. I think of this child as a future investment because once I become un-attracted to you I will start looking for other people to have sex with. Then when I finally catch you cheating I will file for divorce, ask for alimony, child support, and I will keep the house. When you come on weekends to pickup your child or children, I will have another man in the house making him cum. This wedding is just to secure the lifestyle of living I want. I will find a better lover than you and you will eventually pay for it.
I truly believe these are way better vows than the ones we have now. They apply to what we now think of marriage and not the traditional way. In reality, these ‘revised’ vows are not a lie; this is how most marriages end up and people can now say they have lived up to their marriage vows.