The sanctity of marriage has become a comedy. People who go to weddings are not there
to watch two people symbolize their love for a lifetime but to place bets and
guess on how long the marriage will actually last.
I bet it won’t last
six months.
When she finds out he
slept with her sister, it’s over.
It will be over after
the honeymoon.
Yes, two people joining together in holy matrimony in our
time has become more of a jest than two people joining together for love and
family. Divorce is no longer a
last resort. It’s the only way to
deal with problems. The phrase ‘till death do us part’ is just a
spoken phrase and tradition, it means nothing to people eloping anymore.
Even worse than repeating the traditional marriage vows are
the ones that are hand written. You
know what I’m talking about. The
bride and groom want to write something “special” for each other and think that
their feelings can be expressed through personally written vows.
The brides end up saying things such as: I adore you, cherish you, and will always
remember you how we are now. I am
yours and only yours. Sure it
sounds good, but there is nothing in them that cements the marriage. The brides who choose to write their
own vows think they are creative and good with words, but they are not and it
only makes them look like the girl in high school who lost to the prom queen
and is trying to make up for it.
The groom fairs no better. He only writes his vows to please his soon to be
dependent. He has no interest in
writing, he only places words on paper when he has to, thus he wrote his vows
at in the back of the church before the wedding started. The
groom’s vows go something like: Yea! Well! You know I will always love you,
for as long as we are married. You
got me!
The point I’m making is, the vows we have are outdated and
writing your own is a recipe for disaster. Marriage no longer last until death, the average person goes
through two or three marriages before they are happy. I understand some people say the wedding vows we have are a
tradition and we shouldn’t tamper with them, but I say we need to revamp and
make a new set that applies to our current era in time. They should go something like this:
I groom take bride
to be the woman I call my wife. I
give you the right to give the children you birth my last name. You have permission to live in my house
and give me sex. I expect you to cook,
clean, and give me hand jibbers on a regular basis, it’s the same things you
are doing know so it shouldn’t be that hard to do. If this doesn’t happen, I will start ‘working late’ and find
another woman who I am not emotionally attached to who can fill those needs and
I don’t have to live with. After
you find out about said women, then you can divorce me and live in my house,
with my kids, while I pay for the mortgage. I will live in a one-bedroom apartment and see my children
on the weekends. With this, I
promise you, as soon as the judge signs off with the divorce agreement.
Now the bride gives her vows.
I bride take
you groom to me the man I call husband. I will only give you sex until I get pregnant. I expect you to buy me the things I
want because I will be having your child.
I think of this child as a future investment because once I become un-attracted
to you I will start looking for other people to have sex with. Then when I finally catch you cheating
I will file for divorce, ask for alimony, child support, and I will keep the
house. When you come on weekends
to pickup your child or children, I will have another man in the house making
him cum. This wedding is just to
secure the lifestyle of living I want.
I will find a better lover than you and you will eventually pay for it.
I truly believe these are way better vows than the ones we
have now. They apply to what we
now think of marriage and not the traditional way. In reality, these ‘revised’ vows are not a lie; this is how
most marriages end up and people can now say they have lived up to their marriage
vows.
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